@Bardigrade

April 20, 2024 at 2:41 am

B: I mowed my lawn yesterday.
W: You did it yourself?
B: Yup, DIY.
W: I have uh, one of those riding mowers so it makes mowing my lawn like a breeze.
B: That seems convenient.
C: Guys stop this is… None of this is funny.
W: Wait no you were building to something funny weren't you?
B: I thought you were gonna do like a wacky voice?
W: No, no I don't have any wacky voices.
C: Well whatever it is it definitely needs some spice, I-
W: But you have tons of characters, don't you? Like, wha-what was that one guy you have? The, the office guy?
B: Regular office man.
W: Oh yeah he was kinda normal.
B: It's just a different shirt, and then-
W: Well this- you could wear this on casual friday, short sleeve.
B: I wouldn't.
W: Do you have any ideas for like some funny characters?
C: I dont know maybe a… a firefighter?
W: A firefighter?
B: Boring.
W: That's just a guy.
C: Mailman?
W: You're just naming jobs, that's just an occupation, not really a character.
C: I could maybe think of like, a chef?
B: Ah, that's an occupation.
W: Just still jobs, ya know.
C: Well what do you guys think, you guys are the funny guys here, like do you guys have any creative ideas?
W: Oh look! Front page of craigslist, stooge for hire.
B: Ooh, that might be exactly what we need.
C: I think a stooge would be a great addition to this group actually.
W: Last chance for any funny… ideas though?
C: Um… I don't know like, put on shoes?
W: Nope.
B: Regular.
W: Something regular, very normal thing to do.

Next scene, C is sitting too, and S walks in.
S: I heard you boys are looking for a stooge.
W: Haha, okay, yeah!
B: Ok, um, cool.
C: That's us.
W: Ya-you came to the right place.
S: [takes a seat]
W: So you're a stooge!
S: Yeah.
W: You do funny stuff.
S: Yeah, I'm really funny.
W: Do you like- what sorta jokes do you do? Do you have any specializations?
S: I have a large repituar of characters that make people lose their minds, and, they love em and can't stop laughing around me. I'm the funny guy.
W: Can you give us like an elevator pitch of you, who are you?
S: People that work with me say I'm the funniest guy in the room. They never want their money back. And they also say I'm the funniest guy in the universe.
W: In the event that our video had a, punch line, would you be comfortable being the one to do it?
S: Let me at em… I love being the punch line guy.
B: We were doing this lawnmower bit earlier.
S: Sure, lawnmower bit.
W: Say we were talking about mowing the lawn, what would you do?
S: I'd probably say "guys, guys, wait, dont hit me with the lawnmower. Summersault into a face full of mud."
B: Nuh it like it's-
W: Oh no, it's not like a prop, we're not filming us mowing the lawn.
S: No props.
W: We're talking-
B: Dialogue based.
W: It's a dialogue lawnmowing-
B: No props.
S: I'd say, "guys, what if I said, 'hey, wait, wait, don't hit me with that.' Summersault into an even bigger puddle full of mud in my face."
W: You'd say if that happened?
S: In the funniest way possible yeah.
W: And you think that'd get a laugh?
S: Uproarious, it would, make everyone freak out in the audience.
W: Um, so one worry Spencer and I have is like, being the weird guy you do take the brunt of the criticism, is that something you think you could take?
S: I mean it can't be anything worse than what I've said to myself every morning in the mirror.
W: Like say somebody comments "red hair guy can eat dirt."
S: I eat dirt.
B: What if someone like writes a timecode and that that time code is your face, and they write "fuck this guy's mom."
S: They could fuck my mom.
B: …Tha-they're not gonna fuck your mom-
S: They can, if they want, I don't care.
W: Oh yeah, w-what was the idea you had before he came?
C: Yeah so uh, I was saying like uh, putting on shoes would be kinda funny.
S: [Slightly slow fake laugh with knee slap]
W: If you don't mind my saying you seem funny as hell.
S: Any other questions?
B: Okay so if you had to do a punch line right now, what would you do?
S: [Long awkward silence] Sorry guys, I uh… blanked a little bit, couldn't think of something in time.
C: Uhh, was that the punch line?
W: Was that the punch line?
S: Nah I really couldn't think of anything that time. It'll never happen again.
W: I mean I think we'd end it with something better than that for sure.